If there is an opposite to the word ‘moist’, then the sound of shattering glass in Smash Hit is it. The game is like the perfect sexual partner – looks amazing, sounds amazing, starting off easy until it gets so hard that you just have to give up, ultimately satisfied and…sorry, where was I?
Smash Hit comes from Mediocre AB, and until this game I thought their company name was an apt reflection of their business. The only other game made by them that I played was Sprinkle Island, and while it looked interesting I was disappointed by its simplicity and it was uninstalled within the hour. I really expect more for a game with a title that sounds like a hidden area of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.
The game is simple. You’re a first-person perspective travelling through a series of levels looked like they were built by Elsa from Frozen. Various parts of the glass levels move into your line of vision, and as Ellen Degeneres shows you, this is not something you want to do.
So, in order to stop yourself hitting the glass, you are armed with metal balls that you launch at the glass, shattering it with a sound that is the video game equivalent to the voice of Don LaFontaine. You collect more metal balls to defend yourself by hitting crystal pyramids (because video game logic), and can pick up various special powers such as Bullet Time (or I guess, Metal Ball Time), Multiball, or Exploding Metal Ball – sorry, there aren’t really better ways of naming the powerups.
In conclusion, there is really only one fitting word to rate this game. And I’m not the man to do it. So let’s let a ’90s cartoon hero have the final word: