App of the Week: I’d Rather Break My Legs Than Play ‘Stampede Run’

Before playing this game, I would like to make clear that I was completely and totally biased against Zynga. I don’t like their business practices, every piece of news I had read about them up until this point had been negative and just today I find out that they are in a lawsuit about selling users information to advertisers.

However, that was before I had played Stampede Run.

Now I know my distaste is justified. Zynga is definitely one of the unholy trinity in video game development (the other two being EA and Gameloft).

Stampede Run is boring, but it’s packaged just so to give the illusion of it being interesting. There is nothing in the game that has not been done better by Temple Run or other third-person infinite runner games, and all of those things have been done without the game pestering you after every death for your Facebook information. The music is just repetitive enough for it to keep young players – and it is focused towards the youth – wanting to go again, and if the aesthetic was an alphabet it has all the right letters to spell ‘indoctrination’, even if they’re not in the right order.

I don’t have anything else to say on the game. It’s dull, dull, dull. It’s as dull as chartered accountancy.

It’s dull. Dull. Dull. My God it’s dull, it’s so desperately dull and tedious and stuffy and boring and des-per-ate-ly DULL.

For more information about Zynga, check out your local Uncyclopedia.

Because they’re bastards.

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